(When you remember)
If you are of a certain age, you will remember that sticker on the old-school VHS Tapes from the Video Store. (Yes, younger readers, before streaming, we watched things on physical media. This was even before DVD’s and Blu-Rays!) You had to rewind the VHS Tape, so you, or whoever rented it after you, could watch it.
Ah, a simpler time. I actually do prefer hitting “play” on my Roku remote, and off I go, but I digress. This phrase came back to me rather oddly, and I suddenly thought that it had implications for mental health. We remember things we did or said in the past. We remember good times and bad. We remember incidents and situations where we acted badly, or at least we feel we acted badly. We rewind mentally back to those moments, sometimes completely without intention.
As I have written often, I am not a psychologist or therapist, so what I write is my opinion, and should not be taken as any kind of mental health counseling. But I do think when we “rewind” in memory, gentleness is needed. Now sometimes, we really have done something terrible, or caused someone to lose their life. Maybe we did something that irrevocably altered someone’s life, like a drunk driving accident. I will come back to the more extreme examples, but for now, let’s keep it to less intense matters. For example, you lost your temper, or said something mean to someone, and feel bad about it. Or maybe you were on the receiving end of some mistreatment. How will you rewind to it? May I suggest you do not need to overly fixate on how “bad” you were? We quickly forget that we are all works-in-progress and don’t behave perfectly. I am not giving anyone license to be a jerk, but sometimes we are rewinding and not seeing ourselves objectively.
We can be too harsh with ourselves sometimes! Of course we need to apologize, and correct bad behavior. But sometimes we really didn’t do anything wrong, and just feel like we did. When you have OCD, so many interactions feel like “failures”. (I know this.) We may feel like we talked too much, or not enough. We fear we weren’t considerate enough, or forgot something in relation to the other person. Of course, some of this is normal and proper, but if we do it too much, we can get lost in “thought loops” of what we did or didn’t do right.
This is where the “Be kind” idea comes from. Give yourself a break! Maybe you were tired, or in-between meetings, or just had a life-upset, and just couldn’t be as attentive as you should have been. It is OK. Be gentle. You can also acknowledge these things to yourself, and if you are really tuned in, you can let the other person know: “I didn’t sleep well last night, and maybe I am not as fresh or upbeat right now. I may need more time to process this,” etc. Then you are being kind to yourself, before you rewind.
We can also choose how to rewind. I know there was a season in my life when I was much younger, more dogmatic, and caught in very addictive and self-destructive behaviors. I can rewind to those days, and bemoan where I am not “better” today. Or, I can realize I did not know what I know now. I had not been taught how to process my emotions and thoughts well, and I only knew how to be in react-mode. And react I did, to everything! Mood swings, withdrawing, oh, way too much to get into in this post. But the pain of that Non-Sense drove me to change, slowly, way too slowly. I’m glad I listened to that pain, now.
In a similar vein, I only really started to gain awareness of my OCD issues in the last couple of years. That has caused me to rewind to a lot of things, and see how I got “stuck” in repetitive ways of thinking and acting. I have to be gentle and kind to myself. I can grieve the hours lost, and the not knowing why some thoughts just wouldn’t “stop”. I wasn’t damaged or “bad”. I had mental-health issues that probably won’t “go away”, but can be handled better, one day at a time.
The Apostle Paul in the Christian Scriptures speaks to things like this when he says:
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3, NIV)
In the full chapter, Paul is talking about his growth in his faith, and becoming more like Christ. He recognizes he is not “there yet”, and has to keep growing. Notice that he says he forgets what is behind. I am no Bible scholar, but I think Paul does not literally mean to forget the past, but instead he chooses not to dwell on it. He speaks instead of pressing on to the goal: to become more like Christ, or as I say here: to be become more and more deeply aligned with Love.
We can’t wave a magic-wand, and undue the abuse, injustice, or neglect we experienced. But we can choose not to fixate on it, and live and love, differently today. We can love others, and ourselves differently, through embracing God’s love. Yes, I believe we can only truly rewind kindly with God’s help.
As I wrote earlier, we may have done terrible things that can’t be fixed with an apology. We may not be able to make amends for various reasons. Perhaps family has “cut us off”, or a parent or child has passed away. We must still be kind to ourselves, even if the hurt people will never forgive us. Again, I am not excusing bad behavior, or dismissing horrific acts, but at some point, there is only so much we can atone for. We must forgive ourselves, and leave it in God’s hands. We must, as I wrote before: release, receive and continue. (https://align-with-love.com/2026/04/07/help-for-the-obstacles/) We must release what we did, receive forgiveness, and continue living better.
In Twelve-Step Practice, it is encouraged to make direct amends, but if this is not possible, indirect amends can be made. Part of living better is to start living more as a Loving Presence.
As I so often write: try this. You will rewind in memory at some point, and probably often. When you do, to something you wince at, be kind. You might have been a kid, or a confused teenager. Maybe you were under the influence of drugs, alcohol, compulsions, or other mental problems. Maybe you did know better, or maybe you didn’t. Maybe you knew better, but were still too stuck in bad patterns to choose differently. Maybe you were fully aware and still were just awful. Regardless, be kind to yourself. God will, and has forgiven you! Turn to God, and begin again. I know, some reading this will scoff at the “God talk”, but give it a try.
I believe God will ultimately always be kind when He rewinds your life. It’s called grace. You can give yourself some of that grace too. So, please do.
-Eric, the Wordsmith
BP43
Have thoughts or comments? You can click on the comment link below, or you can email me at the address provided. Have ideas you want me to write about, or questions? Want to tell me how much you enjoy (or don’t enjoy) my content? All are acceptable, but be nice, please. Thanks! alignwithlove85@gmail.com.