(Context is King)
(Writer’s Note: I skipped my Late-in-the-Week Vault Post due to time constraints. I have a day-job, remember. But here I am back with some new content. Enjoy!)
I am often struck with writing ideas and inspirations, sometimes for the blog, and sometimes just little notes to myself. They wind up in a paper journal, or in Apple’s Journal App. They all will probably find their way here eventually.
As I was working hard at my Accounting Day-Job, I was observing myself, as there is usually something going on in this brain of mine, and I was struck by some different perspectives on what I already wrote. It was a busy week with many deadlines, and a week where there were many to-do’s. I did not intend to revisit the Myths and Narratives of my prior series, but there I was. (See (The Unholy Trinity under my Archives Page.)
One of the things I wrote was: “Someone else narrated our lives for us, and we Aligned with that.” I just re-read that whole post, which I still completely agree with. I would now add this: We add our own Narratives to situations, and we add context to everything. Part of this is being human. We simply do not know everything, can’t read minds, or get blinded by our own thoughts and feelings. But what about our own minds?
I wrote how others, like our parents, or other authority figures, created narratives for us, however unwittingly. But we create our own narratives, too. That text that wasn’t returned is proof you are unlovable, or course. (You think that.) So-and-so is late as they don’t really care about you. You really aren’t that attractive, and hence are single, or single again. You’re boring because someone didn’t stay “locked in” on your story. I am a “bad” writer as I do not have a million followers, and flowers thrown at my car as I drive to work. There are numerous reasons others behave, or don’t behave, as they do. You, or me, may have nothing to do with it.
In a recent podcast from Laura Vanderkam, https://lauravanderkam.com/before-breakfast-podcast/, she spoke about how feedback is about the person giving it, and is not really about you, the receiver. Such a fascinating idea. She went on to say that does not mean you dismiss the feedback, but you do not have to be beholden to it either. (If you ever read this, Laura–I’m a big fan.) So, it really is not all about me, and I do not have to over-listen to my own “Inner Critic”. My Inner Critic has been pelting me throughout much of my life. As I wrote about how others gave us a narrative, a dear friend told me that eventually, we internalize that voice, and it becomes our own voice.*
It might have been parents, or teachers, or old bosses, or even our warped perceptions of God that gave us those narratives. But now it is me–I am telling myself what is happening. Of course, not everything I think of a situation is wrong. Not every perception is off-base. But how much do I add to everything? How much do you add in your own head to a situation? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything.
Have I let a rainy day be “dreary”, when it is just “water falling from the sky? (I believe the Vulcans from Star Trek said that in one of the novels from that series.) I add context. It’s rainy, and darker, and damp, but I decided it is dreary, and not desirable. My son, who I will call Rob for the purposes of this blog, says: “I love rainy days. I think they are cozy”. Totally different perspective. Yes, rain stops a baseball game, and stops outside work, but it also provides an opportunity to do inside things, like writing. I pronounce it as dreary, in the way, and not what I want. My son sees it as cozy, and reads a book, or plays an inside game. Am I wrong, and my son correct? Neither–it’s just different views of a natural occurrence on a planet with weather. But my perception, if not re-directed, if not re-aligned, leads to a feeling of having “missed out”, or disappointment. My son’s leads to him just changing what he was going to do. Now, I am a grown-up and he is a teenager, so there are some differing realities approaching the same event. But, I have adopted his mindset about rain, and it helps me not be disappointed or “let down”, when water falls out of the sky.
I adjust to the situation. I redefine it, and create a new narrative.
How often do we not do this? How often do we jump on a “train of thoughts” and ride them to who knows where? I recall from my college days a young lady I was very much in love/like with. The feelings were not reciprocated, and I actually recall sitting under the moonlight crying and thinking my whole life would be miserable as she did not love me back. Fast forward 30 some years, and I have not seen that person, lost touch, and probably haven’t even thought of that moment until just now. This is not to say anything bad about that person. I imagine if I ran into them, I would surely say hello, and chat for a bit. But my life was not “ruined” because I did not get into a serious relationship with them. I told myself a story that I would be “happy” in a romantic relationship with her, and if not, well, it was the end. (Yes, some of this was late teenager/young twenty-something drama.) But many of us do this in varying degrees with so many things.
As I have said before: notice those thoughts. What are you telling yourself? What are you telling yourself about the world? How have you imagined the Realms of Living you find yourself in? (Go to the Archives Page, please.) How do you see a diety or no diety, and why? How do you see yourself–your thoughts and feelings? Is everything bad? Are you “bad”? Are you always a “failure”? How about everyone else? Is everyone smarter, thinner, more creative, a better cook, more productive, and so forth? As it is said in 12-Step Circles: “Stop comparing your inside to everyone else’s outsides.”
The Social Media Age we live in is filled to overflowing with people going to cool places, cooking amazing stuff, commenting on this and that, and creating wonderful things. Some of it is truly awe-inspiring, but some of it is carefully choreographed, and is intended to keep drawing you in and back again. ‘Likes’ make money, and feed egos. I am not knocking this per se, but I have come to think that too much of the modern Internet is filled with people saying: “Look at me, look at me….”
The point is: Can we be OK, when no one seems to care about what you posted? Can you be OK in yourself, when the camera is not rolling, and the notifications stop beeping? I am acutely aware that my little corner of Internet posting is not received with all the accolades I may want, but I am doing what I believe I am called to be and do. If I like the work, and I am dong what I think God is asking me to do, can that be enough?
Yes, it can be. Align with Love is not about clicks, or fame, or money. It is about showing you how to be a more Loving Presence in the world, whether you want to be or not. Maybe how I say it/write it doesn’t grab you. Maybe it just hasn’t hit you yet. Some of what I am writing is hitting me now as though I am hearing it for the first time. I have to believe the work is good and true and helpful, or I would not feel called to it.
So, I chose the Narrative of writing from my heart. I chose to write for you, and for God, and what I sense I am led to say. Don’t just settle for being a part of the “clicking-race”. Be true to what God has called you to be. Align with God’s love, and you will see amazing things happen. I believe God’s Narrative is the true and better one. Live in it.
*Personal conversation with Pastor Bill Dandreano of Salem Tabernacle. You can hear his amazing ideas at: https://billdandreanogmailcom664149.substack.com/ or also at https://www.salemtabernacle.com/category/sermons/
-Eric, the Wordsmith
BP30
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